wow...

oh goodness, when was the last time i edited a blog. i've had so many online blogs before too. xanga, livejournal, thegreatestjournal, and blogger. haha

so the last time i wrote in this one was freshman year highschool. i was an absolutely ridiculous child. i had to delete the old posts just because i couldn't stand how obnoxious my posts sounded. i'm a little older now, hopefully just a touch wiser. i've had a lot of experiences in the past couple of years that have completely changed the way i look at love, life, family and people in general. i'm not sure if this makes me wiser or just the same girl with a different but still naive outlook on life. i hope its the former..
so recently, i think i've discovered what makes me unlikable. wow, that last sentence sounds just like something i'd say when i was in highschool. but i'll try to speak objectively rather than based on opinion.
its my mouth.
i've noticed the way i talk. i've noticed the way people react to my words. i think the problem is that i can't keep my mouth shut at times and i always seem to use the wrong words or the wrong tone. even though what i say at what i'm thinking at the moment do mean the same thing, the choice of words always makes it come out all wrong, and then people get the wrong impression. my tongue is constantly tied up and my mind is always wandering.
but then at the same time, its always overthinking? i'm not sure if that made sense. i also tend to overanalyze things, over think people's thoughts about me. and constantly think of the worst case scenario.
and at the moment, i'm afraid that my wandering mind and open mouth will convince him that i'm not worth it... :[