caught up in my rage

i've been such an angry mess recently.

it sucks that i've been so fed up with being emo and sad in the past, that i've completely replaced that emotion with anger and frustration. i'm filled with so much hate that i seriously don't even know what to do with myself anymore. its almost as if i've convinced myself that all i want to do is to hurt someone to compensate the pain my heart went through. and i know i don't wanna do that. because no matter how 'tough' i wanna seem, i think i'm still a nice girl. and i wanna stay calm but everytime the topic of love and dating comes up, i find myself ranting and yelling about my hate for the opposite sex. its become almost involuntary at this point.

denial is so unbecoming.

but theres one thing i can't deny. theres nothing left there for me to hold on to so theres no use for even hoping anymore. ARGH. MORE FRUSTRATION. just because i always know when something or someone is bad for me, but i can never pull away. and i'm almost LITERALLY banging my head on my desk over this.

why. cant. i. get. over. this. bullshit.

-insert frustrated yell-